You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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