I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
