one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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