you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
