I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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