woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
