we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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