i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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