I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
