I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
