He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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