3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
