Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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