wat bout pragnant strippers??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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