can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
