i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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