oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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