how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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