when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
