As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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