so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize