What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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