I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
