on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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