I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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