she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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