I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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