I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
