i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Four minutes until I can fart!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
