Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
