there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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