we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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