He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
