We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
