Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
