What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This baby is an asshole
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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