Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
