You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
