I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
