dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
