just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
