Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So much Jack, so little girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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