I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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