i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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