i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
