my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
