he was CRYING into my vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
