he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
