if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Houston, we have a blender
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
