he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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