You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Semen is not good for contacts.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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